Under the Covers with Eve - Episode 32: Rejection

33:37 Under the Covers with Eve episode 32 / 34 Aug 23, 2016 41 comments 4538 1206

Download (46 MB, MP3)

In this episode I talk about something we’ve all experienced- rejection. Here are some ideas you may not have considered about what rejection means, and how to deal with it.

Please help support these free audios by listening on Spotify ❤️

Links mentioned

Survey results

Gone Wild Audio

GWA Backstage

Rejection Proof by Jia Jiang

Seinfeld clip - Jodie doesn’t like George

Famous books rejected

Other audios in Under the Covers with Eve


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  • Easy on 2021-07-03 21:35:55 (UTC)


    Rejection is part of life. I think rejection also goes hand and hand with shyness. When you are alone with someone it is hard to tell them how you feel about them. Why? Because we are scared of being rejected. I was friends with D throughout my college life. I really liked her but knew she had a bf and did not want to mess up a friendship. The last time I talked to her, she stated she was moving to another State. I told her that I always wanted to ask her out. Her reply was “You should have”. This has always stuck with me. I told myself that I would never make that mistake again. If I like someone I will let them know, and if I get rejected then so be it. Better than thinking “what if I asked her”. I’ll never know. So what is worse, the possibility of being rejected or not knowing? It takes a strong person, like you, to share themselves the way you do and I really admire you for it. You are always trying to help others. You must have a big heart. Ez/Zorin

    • A Eve on 2021-07-12 19:25:15 (UTC)

      Thank you so much! I think we need to take some risks with each other, some of the best things in my life happened because I took a risk and shared a part of myself that I was scared to share.

  • NewSubFoundWho on 2021-04-16 23:57:58 (UTC)

    (Sorry this is so long. I really need to work on that...) Ummm...what??...rejected?? On the should-I-continue-survey? That's a 93% score. Unless you're landing planes or tightrope walking, 93% is superb. Or surgery. But the heart surgery you do is of the figurative variety. So no one expires on the operating room table. And that all adds up to a whole lot of broken and damaged hearts that you help heal. Awww...see, don't you feel better now? (Years later, yes, but whatever...I'm always late for everything.) Just for the sake of argument, if you're still really focused on the "no" votes, let's examine those a bit. As I see it...(and this is of course only a guess and my opinion, but whatever...)...as I see it, the 15 "no" votes break down as follows :

    • NewSubFoundWho on 2021-04-17 00:00:09 (UTC)

      2 votes by professional trolls. (And really, you have to respect someone with enough randomly-directed, poorly-reasoned hate to make a living off of it.) 3 votes by trolls-in-training. (All the hate, just haven't quite fully developped the technique yet, or logged the hours for full certification.) 5 people who voted "no" because they wanted you to stop recording this series and get back to the regular erotic audios. ("Honestly, Eve, what is this discussion and advice nonsense? "Under The Covers" and "Rejection" sounded like a great set-up for a college student comforting her classmate and a "friends to lovers" scenario.") (Those are definitely 5 of the 8 people who voted "no" at the top, but didn't make it to the end of the 4 question survey. Which also means 7 people who voted "no" thought it was important to tell you how often you should record the thing they didn't want.)

      • NewSubFoundWho on 2021-04-17 00:02:29 (UTC)

        2 people who clicked on the wrong button by mistake. (Not all of your listeners have perfect vision. We came to you because we're good at listening, not seeing and clicking.) 1 person who thinks you need to cut back your schedule and save your voice for the poems and book readings. 1 person who thinks you need to cut back your schedule and save your voice for the people in your real life. 1 person who really does think you suck. (There's always one. Plus...technically he's only wrong in one sense of the word!) Remember always, the only people whose opinions matter are the ones who love and respect you. And they think you should record whatever the hell you damn well want to that week. And we hope that you keep recording for a long time to come. Which means that you have to protect your voice. Take care of yourself. Kind thoughts and best wishes. ~ NS.

        • A Eve on 2021-04-23 12:07:49 (UTC)

          thanks so much! I'm pretty good with the down votes at this point, but it does still bother me from time to time. Thanks for the vote of confidence! xx

  • charles on 2020-04-08 15:35:39 (UTC)

    As Marta Mean said, "human desire is not for the faint of heart". Nature was just never meant to accomodate our feelings. Nevertheless, you've made some good and helpful points here!

    (and thank you for not removing Ep 31. It helped me)

    • A Eve on 2020-04-10 04:05:45 (UTC)

      I'm glad to hear it! xx

  • julieannaB on 2018-01-08 03:11:55 (UTC)

    So, now that I’m all caught up with the Eve’s Guides, I’m working my way through this series...but I think I’ve been listening to them in backwards order lol. So this was wonderful, I really loved it. First of all, I LOVED the cake analogy- when you said ‘YOU are the cake’ I was like “Hell yeah, I AM the cake - and I’m delicious dammit!” 😋 (And then that made me think of the movie I just saw, The Greatest Showman, which looks at the whole theme of acceptance/rejection in a greater perspective. If you haven’t seen it yet, it’s so worth it! Or at least go online and listen to one of the theme songs “This Is Me” by Keala Settle - just so amazing! Sorry for that aside...) But, here’s what I REALLY wanted to share: That between your Eve’s Guides, this series, and even some of the topics you’ve brought up in your Sweet Nothings, I’ve just been so blown away by the amount of wisdom you seem to have about life. Your observations and explanations, the grasp you seem to have on some of these psychological concepts, some of which are really hard to swallow, and the way you’re able to view them and analyze them and explain them... it’s just amazing. I know you have given the disclaimer a few times that you’re not a therapist, psychologist, etc, (and if that’s what you state then I believe you!) but when listening to these, it always strikes me how perfectly your way of looking at it coincides with the most psychologically healthy way. And I can only say that because of personal experience... having been in therapy at quite a few points in my life for various reasons. From anxiety, to depression, and more recently after a very messed up relationship that left me with definite psychological as well as some sexual trauma. The reason I’m mentioning this is just to emphasize that I recognize wisdom in this department when I see it... I’ve got an amazing therapist, she has facilitated me through hell and back, and I can absolutely hear her saying these same things. I do know you’ve been through some really hard things as well, so I figure either this is stuff you yourself have heard from a therapist and just was able to really process it clearly...or, you’re just wise beyond your years and was able to figure out a lot of this on your own. Which honestly I wouldn’t put it past you! Either way, you’re the real deal, and I just wanted to say it’s been noticed!

    • A Eve on 2018-01-09 14:55:51 (UTC)

      Wow, thank you so much! That's really wonderful of you to say, I'm very touched! I saw a couple of therapists when I was a teenager and had my first panic attack, but I didn't get much out of them. I studied psychology a bit when I was doing pre-med courses (I wanted to be a doctor for a long time), but honestly, most of the advice I give just comes from my own observation and thinking about life. That's why I make sure everyone knows I have no training in this, it's just my way of looking at things.

      I'm so glad to hear you've found a caring therapist, I know what a huge difference they can make in a person's life.

      Thank you again! ❤️

  • Nejove on 2017-05-10 05:09:56 (UTC)

    I find myself very interested by what you said regarding meeting people online, but not on dating sites with that as the express purpose. It seems to simultaneously make sense and sound less than promising.

    On the one hand, it allows you to put personality and interests first while avoiding the shallow judgements of venues devoted to meeting someone, which seems to just make sense for introverts especially. It's also very flexible compared to meeting in person due to the convenience of technology.

    On the other hand, it seems to have some real issues, though. We learn from childhood on to protect our private information, limit what we share online, and avoid or be very careful meeting online friends in person. We're also sometimes told that online relationships are shallow and no substitute for real human-to-human interaction, largely because it's easy to misrepresent yourself or present only a specific side of yourself online. At least in many situations, isn't this good advice? Is it perhaps something we have to selectively un-learn in specific cases?

    And then there's another big obstacle to meeting people online and forming intimate relationships: geography. Meeting someone you really like or feel close to online is all well and good, but unless one of you is willing and able to move or travel great distances, meeting in person regularly, truly going on dates, and various other things as the relationship progresses become difficult or impossible if you don't just so happen to live near each other. If you're not on an online platform where you can meet people by location, the chances of the people you come to like just so happening to live near you seems pretty slim. If as many relationships as you claim begin in places like GWA, how do so many people form them in spite of geographical limitations? Do they just get lucky and live nearby, probably in a major metropolitan area? Or are that many people willing to travel great distances for these things?

    • A Eve on 2017-05-10 14:10:06 (UTC)

      In the cases I know about, distance has sometimes been an issue, but not an insurmountable one. Many people have moved to be with their new partner. Remember that a lot of people on GWA are between 18-24 without a lot of roots where they are. It's not too overwhelming to consider moving to another area for a relationship, considering that it is the most important thing in most people's lives.

      • Nejove on 2017-05-11 00:23:41 (UTC)

        Now that you mention it, I guess that makes sense. For most people love and sex are easily among the top five most important things in their lives along with stuff like their health, their career, and platonic friendships. For those trying to "break out of their shell," reinvent themselves, or start fresh, moving to a new area may not be a bad way to start a new chapter in life and force themselves to open up in order to build new social supports, as well. By no means does it seem like it would ever be easy, though. I'm probably just more apprehensive about the idea personally than most young adults are, but even I admit that there are opportunities associated with it as well as difficulties and adjustments.

  • leytod on 2016-09-04 01:35:00 (UTC)

    Excellent, as always

    • A Eve on 2016-09-04 20:20:09 (UTC)

      Thank you! ❤️

  • YouAreMySunshine on 2016-08-30 15:38:19 (UTC)

    There have been times Ive been rejected directly or indirectly in several sorts of situations and cases. But these rejections ended up showing me where I really belong and what conditions are best suited for me. They were like a guide that slowly and gradually paved my way to getting to know what I really need and what I dont!! So, today, I am quite happy that I faced rejections back then.
    The most important thing was that i never let a rejection change me for the worse. I made sure that I brought about some positive changes in meh and just let go of the things I couldn't change at all!
    Keep 'em UTC episodes coming Eve!
    I wish I could kiss your neck (Adam's apple to be specific). You think that would heal your voice? :p

    • A Eve on 2016-09-01 18:34:14 (UTC)

      aww, it just might, thank you❤️

  • MadWithLust on 2016-08-29 10:46:53 (UTC)

    I'm so glad you're keeping this series going! I don't think there is insight and discussion about issues like this anywhere else!

    I love the cake example! It works so amazingly well. It's just really hard to keep that in perspective. If you're a "plain cake" on the menu with cakes with frostings and cakes with fillings and you see those cakes get ordered all the time, it's just so discouraging. As a guy, it seems like it's much easier for me to fall in love with a girl, i.e. I always seem to want the girl's cake more than she wants mine. I never seem to get the feeling that we both want each other's cake.

    But I could be oblivious too. :P

    • A Eve on 2016-08-30 11:16:13 (UTC)

      haha I know, it's not always easy. But everyone has been there, feeling like the plain cake, or having to watch all the scrumptious ones get chosen first. It's a sad part of life. I just wanted to remind that you there's nothing wrong with your creamy filling :P

      • julieannaB on 2018-01-08 02:02:51 (UTC)

        😂Ok that last line just made me spit my drink out it was that awesome lol 😂

        • A Eve on 2018-01-09 14:56:29 (UTC)

          hahaha :P

      • MadWithLust on 2016-08-30 23:20:09 (UTC)

        LOL! Now that's a "Zinger"! :P


        • A Eve on 2016-09-01 18:34:56 (UTC)

          mmmm looks good :P

      • NowhereMan on 2016-08-30 14:52:42 (UTC)

        And with that a new idea for an erotic audio was born.

        • YouAreMySunshine on 2016-08-30 15:39:39 (UTC)

          Haha!! XD

  • Jandrusel on 2016-08-24 14:54:28 (UTC) (edited)

    Rejection sucks, yeah. No way around that. But the trick is to not take it personally. That was tough for me to understand, but it's an unvaluable lesson I'll try to never forget.

    I for one, have met a decent amount of girls this year. Turns out, every single one of them had a boyfriend. Did that discourage me? Well, yes. For the first three or four times. But instead of wallowing in my self-pity ('I have suck a terrible luck') I just go along with it. It's my own personal streak. Like the Undertaker's streak of winnings at Wrestlemania, but mine is less 'glamourous'... xD

    I'm happy that many people have found love through GWA. But I'm not sure that would work on me. Hell, I've tried the Internet as a way to meet people and, all around, it has not been good. Even if it's hard, I make a better impression in reality, because I can display my quirks, my jokes and myself. A sample text on a dating site or a forum it's not the same.

    Another lesson that Eve doesn't mention but everyone could use at some point. Laugh at yourself. Seriously. Take it easy and laugh. One time I've asked a girl's name after bragging about my incredible memory and after she told me her name ten minutes before. How can you screw it like that? Well, I did. And both of us laughed about it.

    Laugh about it if you can, and move on to the next beat thing. Someone, at somepoint, won't reject you no matter how big of a nerd, or shy or doofus you are. I know because I'm all of three.

    Make sure to take care of your sweet voice, Eve.

    • A Eve on 2016-08-25 12:56:19 (UTC)

      That's great advice, Jan. And I'm feeling better already, just a bit of scratchiness and throat clearing now. :D

    • ChocPanda on 2016-08-24 17:24:52 (UTC)

      Dude i hope one day you find your sexy Brock Lesnar and she can break that streak for you XD hahahaha such imagery.

      • Jandrusel on 2016-08-24 20:40:58 (UTC)

        Hahaha! I hope so! I wouldn't mind going to Suplex City for her! Haha! Thanks, mate.

        • ChocPanda on 2016-08-25 02:56:47 (UTC)

          Suplex city?! Oh mate we just became friends I recently got back into watching wrestling after the longest time mostly because I can afford it as an adult lamest part is my friends dont really care for it like i do I know its not really a "competitive sport" in the traditional sense but I enjoy the fuck out of it. I pay more attention to WWE's NXT brand because its like seeing a star be born hahaha I dont know if I'm boring you or not but it's something I'm rediscovering after sort of supressing it because nobody thought it was cool growing up or i couldnt afford the tv service thing anyway bro im super into it if maybe you wanna chat about it...or maybe you're not so into it anymore which is cool too I mean if you've already smelt what the rock is cooking and dont want any im not gonna force you im just saying whatever it is it smells pretty friggen delicious and you should have some...alright end of rant have a nice day BANG BANG.

          • NowhereMan on 2016-08-25 09:59:05 (UTC)

            Did this just become a wrestling thread? I'll throw my name in the hat as a wrestling fan.

            • Jandrusel on 2016-08-25 11:39:27 (UTC)

              Awesome! Wrestling fans unite, brother! I hope Eve won't get mad on us for derailing the thread. She might go all Stephanie McMahon on our asses.

              Yeah, not all people appreciate wrestling. It sucks, but the concept of 'wrestling is fake' still runs deep. Matches might be arranged, but wrestlers hurt themselves in order to make it real. It's exciting and I love it.

              And that's the bottom line cause Jandrusel said so.

              • A Eve on 2016-08-25 12:50:28 (UTC)

                haha I love that you guys are talking, even about wrestling. :D

            • ChocPanda on 2016-08-25 11:33:56 (UTC)

              Dude im just sayin if i could make some friends that I could talk to about wrestling that woild be great haha

              • A Eve on 2016-08-25 12:55:23 (UTC)


                There's about 29 000 of them there :D

                • ChocPanda on 2016-08-25 15:20:28 (UTC)

                  Aww am I being politely asked to move on? :( hahaha nah im just joking Eve thank you very much for the link i'll definitely check it out :) by the way I love that you're bringing this back and i thoroughly enjoyed it lots of great advice and things to think about.

                  • A Eve on 2016-08-27 21:27:48 (UTC)

                    haha not at all, just trying to fulfil your wish :D And thank you, I'm glad you enjoy them. ❤️

  • NowhereMan on 2016-08-23 22:27:24 (UTC)

    Glad to see this series back and in proper form. As I've mentioned before it's really been a major factor in me changing myself for the better and once again this is no exception. I went through some really bad, even traumatic bits of rejection when I was younger and that really held me back in my adult life. It's funny though, ever since I lost a good amount of weight and got some of my confidence back it's really helped on the social front. Hell, even just within the last few weeks I've had a few people tell me how good I look and how attractive I apparently am. Maybe it's worth it for me to just give it a shot at dating. After all, worst thing that can happen is I'm told "No."

    • A Eve on 2016-08-25 12:49:48 (UTC)

      That is awesome! I'm so glad to hear it.

      I just hope you keep in mind that you were awesome before you lost any weight, and will still be so if you ever gain it back. You were always this guy deep down, so love yourself no matter what. ❤️

      • NowhereMan on 2016-08-25 16:44:17 (UTC)

        Honestly, I actually agree. I don't think it was the weight that held me back as much as it was the lack of confidence. I simply thought that my weight would be a factor when, in reality, that probably wasn't the case. That said, my weight loss is more about me than anything else. What benefits happen afterwards are merely icing on the proverbial cake...which I can't have on my diet but that's okay!

        • A Eve on 2016-08-27 21:28:42 (UTC)

          Yes, confidence is the main thing. I hope you can develop a real sense of your self-worth that has nothing to do with your body.