Under the Covers with Eve - Episode 8: Introducing Her to Your Fantasies

21:32 Under the Covers with Eve episode 8 / 34 Nov 01, 2015 12 comments 4585 1277

Download (39 MB, MP3)

This week I address how to introduce your partner to your fantasies, fetishes and kinks. And a bit of context as to why you might want to try it the way I suggest…

As with every Under the Covers episode, I just want to stress that these are simply my opinions and observations, nothing more. Listen in if you like, see if you agree with the things I say, let these discussions be some food for thought. Think about these issues yourself, always, and come to your own conclusions. I’m just telling you what’s on my mind, I’m not trying to change yours.

So while I appreciate comments and emails, I won’t get into arguments. Life is just too short :D

This week's pop culture reference! Sons of Anarchy!

music by www.afrodrumming.com

Other audios in Under the Covers with Eve


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  • Darx on 2018-03-25 19:59:41 (UTC) (edited)

    A few years ago my then-girlfriend of over 4 years (who was extremely open and unashamed by most standards) and I were watching a video online that illustrated sexual statistics using food. Things like average sizes of various body parts, etc. One statistic comes up explaining that some percent of women enjoy facials (it was a lowish number if I recall, in the 30s) and there was a pancake using berries to draw a face. Globs of whipped cream dropped into the pancake face. At this point, my girlfriend said one single word that I've never heard her say to any relatively normal sex act before: "Ew."

    I was legitimately surprised so I looked at her and said "Ew?" And she says, "Yea, I guess. What, you like that?" And I tell her that I've never done it, but it's something I've always wanted to try. She admitted that she had never actually done it, either. She didn't say much more and we continued with our day. A few days later, out of nowhere we were just watching TV and she says to me "Hey, do you want to go try that thing we were talking about a couple days ago?" And it was no longer a big deal. Apparently she had been thinking about it and decided she wanted to try.

    I really only bring this up to illustrate that even women who on most levels are open and not ashamed of their sexuality can sometimes developed preconceived ideas about some things and when those ideas are brought up in a non threatening way, they might actually realize that they dont really have any reason for fearing or being repulsed by something that they've never even given much thought to let alone tried.

    • A Eve on 2018-03-29 12:06:21 (UTC)

      That's a really good point, thanks for bringing that up. I agree, a lot of what my friends and I always thought was 'gross' (and yes, I did think I wouldn't like some things at one point) were more like expectations or assumptions - we're good girls, we're supposed to not like that idea. I'm glad people now seem more willing to try things and get over some of these pre-concieved ideas.

  • Nejove on 2017-05-05 06:06:34 (UTC)

    Hearing about how many women become sexually repressed, and sexual repression in general, really does make me sad. My situation is different as a guy who has never had to fear the same kinds of things women do, but I did struggle with sexual morality and shame for years in adolescence. Years later, I think I'm mostly over it (it got easier once I decided to take religion out of the equation), but there may be more traces of it left than I thought when it comes to letting others in on my sexuality. Long story short, I feel like I can relate in some roundabout way.

    At the end of the day, though, I think it's really important for both women and men to fight back against internalized repression for their own sake as well as their partner's. You might even consider sexual repression to be a mental health issue. Your sexuality is a part of you (and an important one, at that), which means that condemnation, denial, or reproach toward your sexuality is really just self-condemnation, self-denial, or self-reproach.

    • A Eve on 2017-05-06 14:07:19 (UTC)

      I agree, sexual repression has led to a lot of serious mental health problems for people. I really seethe when school boards and others hold up 'abstinence' programs as though it's the only moral choice for teenagers, and leaves them nothing but guilt over their sexual feelings. They are setting these kids up for a lifetime of sexual issues and self-esteem problems.

      • Nejove on 2017-05-06 23:43:29 (UTC)

        I'm with you all the way on that one. I've heard some HORRIFYING stories about "abstinence only education," and I don't even want to think how much worse my period of emotional turmoil over my sexuality would have been if I'd had disgusting rhetoric like that shoved down my throat (without consent, might I add) in school or by my family. Come to think of it, I'm not even sure where most of the repression came from in my case.

        Anyway, part of what I was getting at is that even thoughts like you mentioned about "gross pervert sex" or "those skanks" are still self-restrictive at minimum. They prevent the women who think them from safely exploring and enjoying their own sexuality and, should they become aware that deep down they DO have a kinky side in there somewhere, then they're right back to self-condemnation and self-rejection. Beyond that, thoughts like those are demeaning and dehumanizing toward anyone with sexual kinks, be that other, more sexually liberated women, their boyfriends, or anyone else. Attempting to change those thoughts is for the good of their overall mental health and shouldn't ONLY be something they do to please their partners. Still, I understand quite well that harmful habitual thoughts like that can be difficult to break free of.

        • A Eve on 2017-05-07 19:07:33 (UTC)

          I think that we need to remove the concept of morality from sex, apart from imposing it on other people or otherwise abusing them. What an individual does or thinks about should be their own business, and not subject to moralizing pronouncements about their character.

  • micross on 2016-06-02 18:23:32 (UTC)

    Point made, Eve, most girls aren't like you, not as understanding or mature.

    • A Eve on 2016-06-02 20:28:33 (UTC)

      I don't know about that, don't underestimate women. You might be surprised

  • cuddle_with_me on 2015-11-04 19:55:16 (UTC)

    I love that Sons of Anarchy story because it shows how fucked up values still are, even with acceptance of sex coming to the fore.

    And I love the rest of the episode even more, because it all just makes so much sense. I get the feeling that the combination of things you really like, the idea of which may have been your refuge for years during tough times, and the most intimate things you can do with someone you love makes for a very sensitive subject that's hard to approach without feeling pulled at from every which way.

    Your way of describing it makes it easier to consider how she sees it, mores that she may be suffering under or at least be affected by, maybe urges that as loving as you can try to be she will never let herself fully indulge in. All in all it just makes so much sense and I really love that you're telling those of us who haven't given this so much thought what you so clearly see. 💕

    • A Eve on 2015-11-04 20:05:59 (UTC)

      Thank you so much sweetie! I'm so glad you enjoyed it 💋

  • leytod on 2015-11-03 18:20:04 (UTC)

    Another great episode.

    • A Eve on 2015-11-03 21:28:36 (UTC)

      aww, thank you! I appreciate hearing that, it makes me feel great