Eve's Guide for Regular Guys: Episode 14 - Understanding Women

31:33 Eve's Guide For Regular Guys episode 14 / 14 Nov 08, 2017 20 comments 2958 615

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Well that's a hell of a statement, isn't it!

Okay, I can't promise you'll fully understand women after listening - but I do talk about a few general differences between men and how you can learn to interact better with women.


Other audios in Eve's Guide For Regular Guys

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  • ObiwanKenoff on 2017-11-17 19:45:46 (UTC)

    Great talk as always.

    Martial arts is always a great way of seeing first hand what people are all about, if you know what to look for. Definitely a few subtle differences in how men and women seem to approach it in terms of their mindset.

    Take for instance, training against an inanimate object, eg punchbag or a pillar. In timed exercises, where the goal is to go all out for as long as you can, you will see the fighter's primary motivation as they start to tire. It can produce some funny results. Men tend to take the bag's opinion into consideration: they may try to impress it, they'll pause at the end of each technique just to admire themselves, and slow down if they lack the energy to be flashy; they may try to dominate the bag, ragdolling it even though this forces them to constantly reset and defeats the purpose of the exercise. Women tend to be a little more centred on themselves and draw on an emotion: anger is fairly common, particularly in those focusing on the pain; fear is more common among those who are new haven't quite picked up the confidence, they'll normally put on cutesy airs as if being a girl is an excuse (I've had my ass handed to me by enough women to know that it's not).

    This carries over into the psych part of the fight. Men are often trying to tell their opponent something, and you can use that to get into their head. You can humiliate them to make them angry and lose composure, feed them confidence so that they get complacent, make them doubt themselves, etc. In 15 years, I don't think I've never been able to strategically fight a psychological battle with a woman, because they simply don't participate. They walk into the ring knowing damn well why they're there and no-one is going to tell her differently, for better or worse.

    Similar patterns crop up in the conversation styles, but I will reign this report in before it becomes a dissertation.

    As always, these are statistical propensities for ubiquitous traits based on my own experience, not intended to be taken as universal generalisations [/disclaimer].

    Regarding responses to nervousness in women and men, your take is backed up by hard science - there's some data about how the parasite T. Gondii causes increased levels of neurosis across the board, manifesting as specific personality changes that are diametrically opposed between males and females:

    "Thus, the men were more likely to disregard rules and were more expedient, suspicious, jealous, and dogmatic. The personality of infected women, by contrast, showed higher warmth and higher superego strength (factors A and G on Cattell's 16PF), suggesting that they were more warm hearted, outgoing, conscientious, persistent, and moralistic. Both men and women had significantly higher apprehension (factor O) compared with the uninfected controls." https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2526142/

  • Murtaugh83 on 2017-11-14 23:42:30 (UTC)

    Eve,
    A very insightful episode, I had always noticed a difference in the way men and women communicated and the frustration that comes along with it. My "Work Wife" refers to me as her scruffy marshmallow, tough on the outside but tenderhearted on the inside. A great listener once you get to know me. I am guilty of the jumper cable present, and I am man enough to admit it ! A fine episode that explores the differences and shows that they both have equal value. M

    • A Eve on 2017-11-16 19:54:18 (UTC)

      haha I like that, a 'scruffy marshmallow' - that's adorable. Thanks so much M!

  • billymacorbuddy on 2017-11-13 02:03:22 (UTC)

    Lol, I would totally buy a woman jumper cables! In fact, I think I have, now that I think about it. Anyway, I think what we're really talking about here is listening skills, and these can apply when interacting with both women and men. We've all had the experience when the person we're talking to isn't listening, but instead, waiting to talk. Let's not be that person, let's actually understand what our conversation partner is saying, so that we can then respond appropriately.

    As far as the mansplaining, hepeating, manspreading, etc. goes, I tend to just ignore that controversy. Outside of internet punditry, I don't think I've ever heard anyone use those terms IRL. That's not to say I don't think there is sexism in society, I certainly do. But I have bigger things to worry about then the width of my "spread" while sitting somewhere.

    • A Eve on 2017-11-13 18:49:44 (UTC)

      Yes, I agree, I think most people of both sexes have a hard time with conversation in general, and listening is a rarity.

      And you're right about not hearing it in real life - my concern is always that when something becomes widespread (see what I did there) through the media, most people start to perceive it as normal.

  • Durgarnkuld on 2017-11-11 19:50:46 (UTC)

    I guess I'm guilty of mansplaining if you put it that way. I notice this more with my mother than other women. The thing is, I don't usually go off and lecture anyone about anything. I assume, unless otherwise noted, she just wants to tell me about her shitty day or whatever. But if she goes on and on and on - can never get over it, weeks and months past, I can't help but feel I should give advice, even if she reacts just the way you describe. Nice episode overall.

    • A Eve on 2017-11-13 18:51:29 (UTC)

      Yes, I know how frustrating that can be. I don't know if that's a female thing, or just a person who deals with the upsetting situation by going over it endlessly. In a case like that you can definitely offer solutions and even say "You've been going over this for a long time, and talking about it doesn't seem to be helping. Maybe we need to talk about how to fix it".

      Thanks!

  • stormmuse on 2017-11-11 18:35:57 (UTC)

    Eve, another well delivered glimpse into the female perspective. I've "known" these intellectually for a while, but that doesn't necessarily translate to practice. I find I can know a thing, but not actually understand it, hence it is difficult to put into practice.

    I think our society and entertainment have done much to taint how each of the sexes views the other and what we desire. We're bombarded with images of male and female "perfection" everyday, causing many of us to suffer from unrealistic body expectations. We see contrasting views of what sex "should" be, in much the same way. We end up in this weird place, in which, men and women are afraid to voice their true desires.

    This series is one that I keep coming back to, as I find that listening as I progress helps, as I'm still in a growth/re-discovery period, from my divorce. Sometimes, we see things that we don't like and realize that, perhaps we've followed advice in our past that has left us in a mental place that we need to escape from. I appreciate that you take offense at much of the way men are advised/treated by our society today, and present your advice without treating men, as if we need to become simpering little apology monkeys.

    Thank you for this series...I've found new questions in each episode, and even in revisiting older episodes. You are a truly wonderful person and an inspiration, milady!

    • A Eve on 2017-11-13 18:52:31 (UTC)

      Aww, thank you Storm! Thank you so much, hearing things like this makes doing this series so worthwhile.💋

  • SamuelXD on 2017-11-10 12:44:50 (UTC)

    Apparently, toxic masculinity and "mansplaining" are a thing. I didn't know this until now, which I find it puzzling until now. However, I do understand the report/rapport aspect, especially if a woman wants to vent; shut up and let her vent and wait for the moment to put your 2 cents in. Luckily, I've had a quite a few girl friends, so I learned that part early. I think I finally understand why guys send dick pics, but HELL NO!!! I didn't know that, for women, body image issues also apply to sex. Then again, it does make sense, kind of like big guys having body issues when it comes to sex. Yet, I thought that sex is an experience. If 2 consenting adults are attracted to each other and eventually want to have sex, should love, lust and attraction take precedence over body issues and insecurities?

    • A Eve on 2017-11-10 14:25:31 (UTC) (edited)

      I think the problem for women is that many of them go to great lengths to present a public image, i.e makeup, perfume, hairstyling, fashion, etc. There's a reason Spanx is a billion dollar company - women are willing to squeeze themselves into torturous undergarments to look thinner and sleeker, they toddle around on high heels that hurt their backs, the list goes on. So naturally they worry that when they have to strip all of this away when they're with a man, that when he sees their 'real selves' he'll be turned off.

      There are many memes out there warning men that they should see a girl without her make up before they attempt to sleep with her - because, obviously, (to them), that would be a tragedy, to sleep with a girl who wasn't a stunning beauty.

      So I agree with you, it's so much better if people just let their own love, lust and attraction take precedence, but for many women it takes a very long time to get over it, and sometimes it never does.

  • CharlieRomeoLima on 2017-11-09 07:20:03 (UTC)

    Hello Eve, this was an insightful episode covering a lot of wisdom I'd previously learned about the differences between the sexes but in a, as you once said of some of your favourite audiobook authors, 'digestible' and succinct form that's simple to internalize and implement in our day to day lives. When you said what women want most is a sounding board, a good listener, an empathetic soul, I thought that, even in the majority of men deep down, that is what we all wish for in a companion, whether romantic or platonic. Emerging from shyness I had been overly occupied with compensating by rushing to fill the perceived (on my part) awkward silences between statements, only to realize later that this was counterproductive to my goal of growing towards being a considerate, thoughtful conversationalist.

    Thanks to listening to so many of your audios I believe I've bypassed any consuming anxieties with sexual performance I might've had lurking around the dark corners of my mind. It was instructive to me that each of your erotic audios was quietly tagged with that one key word, 'Connection'. I now know in my bones that is what your average woman wants from sex, no massive cocks, cumming on command, or gushing money shots required. And 'Passionate Partners' is another frequent tag, wherein the preoccupations so valorized by mainstream pornography are completely unnecessary to achieving mutual passion and genuine pleasure.

    Toxic masculinity is an awful, perjorative label and yet another barb in the manshaming arsenal of radfeminist ideologues, like those putdowns of mansplaining, manspreading, and most recently, hepeating (popularized in a series of Tweets by astronomer Dr. Nicole Gugliucci). Let me qualify that I don't doubt the frustrating experiences of women annoyed by a man taking credit for her idea in corporate or elsewhere, but it's another word that's all too easily coopted on social media for the nefarious purposes of silencing the voice of men in rational discourse and further polarizing men and women against each other.

    I think your voice already sounds perfect the way it is today, Eve, but I hope you enjoyed a well-deserved cup or two of tea after recording.

    • A Eve on 2017-11-10 14:21:51 (UTC)

      Yes, I think 'hepeating' is a bit of a stretch - this behavior is certainly not limited to men, nor is it just women they target. I think it's just looking to blame someone, when the truth is, this is an age old problem that everyone has seen or dealt with. It's not a sex issue.

      And thank you! I had to stop and clear my throat and cough a few times during the recording, so hopefully it will be back to full strength soon.xox

  • joetinla1967 on 2017-11-08 21:41:13 (UTC)

    Hello Miss Eve, the confidence you've helped me regain in the last year-and-a-half to two years has been amazing, thank you. I know I have a lot of catching up to do but I'm working on it slowly but surely I've just been extremely busy with work these last couple of months but it's all starting to whine down which is definitely a good thing, I can catch up on a lot that I've been neglecting including your audios so just know that Tinla's back.

    • A Eve on 2017-11-10 14:20:15 (UTC)

      I'm so happy to hear that Tinla! You deserve to feel awesome, you're a fantastic dad and you do an important job, you have every reason to feel proud! I'm proud of you! 😘

  • Georgio36 on 2017-11-08 21:28:17 (UTC)

    Wasn't sure how this was gonna go Eve lol. Since we at episode 14 or should i say level 14 in our growth; i trust you completely with your knowledge about women & life. I have taken a lot of mental notes but i may have to start writing this stuff down cuz your advice that good 🙏. Some of this stuff about how we as men react when women call or talk to us about a problem she's having or she just wants to check on us is true. We never really realize we are doing these things like answering the phone in a grumpy cat way lol. For me, i noticed that some women or just people in general want someone to just listen to them & comfort them. I personally don't have a probelm with this cuz i love to comfort people as long as i don't feel taken advantage of. I always viewed myself as an emotionally open person & yes sensitive at times lol. So i love asking how someone feels (which you seen here). I will take your advice tho on what do when im in this situation again. Lastly about sex, you were right about the performance stuff. All i want is to please my future woman. After listen to this, i feel better about everything cuz i can be a worrier. I will instead focus on making sure a woman feels good emotionally. Thank you Eve for all your hard work. You are a wonderful lady & heres tea so your throat won't be raspy & you don't lose your voice. Be well 🍀🍵

    • A Eve on 2017-11-10 14:19:27 (UTC)

      Yes, I know what it can be like being a worrier - don't worry about pleasing your woman so much, just focus on being the best of yourself so she can fall in love xox

      • Georgio36 on 2017-11-10 16:55:50 (UTC)

        Ok Eve, thanks for that. Imma be listening to this audio again. You are a dating life saver 😁

  • Vermouth1991 on 2017-11-08 18:46:28 (UTC) (edited)

    So I guess a guy needs to learn to multitask, treat her like women in general wish to be treated, while holding the solution (if you have any) at the back of your head.

    Also, bravo on tackling issues of self-image when it comes to sex.

    • A Eve on 2017-11-10 14:18:45 (UTC)

      thank you, I'm glad you liked it. I don't know if it's multi-tasking exactly, but maybe just adjusting the way you communicate. But it's always going to depend entirely on the specific person you're with, these are just general observations.