Eve's Guide for Regular Guys: Episode 7- The Key To Attracting a Woman

30:43 Eve's Guide For Regular Guys episode 7 / 7 Mar 20, 2017 34 comments 1831 190

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In this episode I give you some thoughts on what I believe is the main key to attracting women.

Many of you will not recognize yourself in some of the examples I give in this episode, and that's a good thing. When I say "you" in many cases I'm using it as the 'general you', meaning 'a general person'. I just want to make that clear. 💋

Examples of "Regular Guys" and beautiful women:

Salman Rushdie and Padma Lakshmi

Salma hayek and Francois Pinault

Cameron Diaz and Benji Madden


Other audios in Eve's Guide For Regular Guys

Comments

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  • nerfified on 2017-03-22 17:14:34 (UTC)

    Just to expand the subject, not only do women want men to impress them, they need to be made felt special. The nice guys don't know that these women hear the kinds of things they say on the regular, and you don't really stand out at all. The reason for age old tale of women going for the asshole instead of a nice guy is very simple, if a woman can get a guy who has no respect for women to respect her and make her feel special when no one else could, that is like the ultimate ego boost right there(and it obviously never works). So work on your confidence and charisma, be funny! Women are much more open to talking if you relax the situation and not come off as shallow or desperate. Don't try to start talking to them by mentioning their looks, I have probably never told a woman that she was beautiful or anything like that and you shouldn't either. This is one of those things that you show don't tell, make them feel beautiful don't just say it. If you must do that use words that imply things other than appearance, for example if she is cute and quirky to you, call her adoreable, it's a word that shows that you payed attention to not only her looks but personality, and she will appreciate it more. I was on a date recently and she was suprised that I hadn't said anything about her looks or that I looked her in the eyes and face instead of her boobs, I was just being myself while being flirty and that's what women want. On the same hand don't throw yourself at her, desperation is a huge turnoff. The truth is you have to get her attention and have her value you, I think we all know that women that are after men only date up, so you have to get her to value you first, then show that you value her. Not saying to be an asshole, but just be a regular person, and be subtle about the relationship aspect and make her crave it and then you can show your feelings.

    Love your stuff Eve

    • A Eve on 2017-03-22 22:27:13 (UTC)

      Thank you for that, I appreciate it. 💋

  • Durgarnkuld on 2017-03-21 19:10:48 (UTC)

    I think this is my favorite episode so far - getting to the nitty gritty.

    My personal problems stem rather from a form of self-loathe which makes it hard to be loved if you can't even love yourself. But I'm working on that for some time now.
    Shame is I tend to intimidate people when I get passionate ... somehow. I'm burning like a hot flame and everyone backs off ^^ impressive maybe, but not pleasant so far :(

    • A Eve on 2017-03-22 15:33:58 (UTC)

      Thank you...as I said, everyone is a work in progress. The key is to look at your strengths and focus on them. Your 'faults' whatever you feel they are, will be minimized when you aren't constantly focusing on them. 💋

  • billymacorbuddy on 2017-03-21 04:40:23 (UTC)

    You said in one of your earlier audios and you said it again here, "There has to be a you." That really stuck with me. Since then I've tried to be more honest and open about what my interests are, to be the person I want to be and not what I think others want. I don't know about the impressiveness factor, but I think my life has been more rewarding this way and I've been happier because of it.

    • A Eve on 2017-03-22 15:32:37 (UTC) (edited)

      That's really awesome to hear. And you're a good example of what I mean. I love that you do metal detecting to find interesting historical things. That is 'impressive' to me and a lot of women. It makes you interesting, makes us want to ask questions like "what made you start doing it" and "what's the coolest thing you've found" etc. It's a starting point for a conversation. And you pictures of the stuff are very cool too :)

      • billymacorbuddy on 2017-03-22 16:43:49 (UTC)

        Thanks Eve, it's good to hear that Regular guys can be impressive without having to be superheroes or rock stars. And the answers to your question; Goonies and the coolest thing is reconstructing an area and time period based on the things you find somewhere. ;)

        • CharlieRomeoLima on 2017-03-22 23:09:36 (UTC)

          Billy you do metal detecting? Well, call me a guy who finds that impressive! I took some archaeology courses as part of my college minor, and it is simply fascinating the wealth of knowledge the pros can derive merely from the in-situ contextual data alone.

          • billymacorbuddy on 2017-03-23 04:14:08 (UTC)

            Thanks Charlie. I took an archaeology 101 class in college as an elective. I wish now that I had pursued it more, but back then I was young and stupid and my priorities weren't where they should have been. But detecting fills that void to some extent, so I'm happy.

            Just out of curiosity, what was your minor? If you're comfortable with sharing, that is.

            • CharlieRomeoLima on 2017-03-24 03:01:24 (UTC)

              You're welcome Billy. I'm glad to hear you've come to terms with that particular regret.

              I don't mind. My minor was in anthropology - I thought there was no better way to round out a university education than the study of humans and the diverse array of societies that emerge whenever said humans gather and interact with each other. The courses were quite eclectic as well, including introductions to archaeology, ethnography, museum studies, as well as topics of contemporary importance like the redress of past injustices due to colonialism and the repatriation of cultural patrimony (objects of cultural significance, including human remains) to their rightful societies of origin.

        • A Eve on 2017-03-22 22:26:42 (UTC)

          Goonies :P Awesome. So you're doing archaeology of a sort with it then?

          • billymacorbuddy on 2017-03-23 03:59:45 (UTC)

            Well, I certainly wouldn't call it that, but it is similar.

  • CharlieRomeoLima on 2017-03-21 03:24:06 (UTC) (edited)

    I recently entered my mid-thirties, and I while I highly value my singledom, at rare times I do feel that the years are flying by ever more quickly and I won't have an eternity to start finding someone with whom I can build a life. No man wants to be a proud bachelor in his youth and suddenly find that he's lonely after all in his sixties. However, I see that line of thinking as a route to desperation which nobody, man or woman, wants in a partner.

    With what maturity I have cobbled together so far in life, I can accept responsibility for my being single as a combination of my personal choice and the legacy of an extremely shy adolescence and young adulthood. Even though I never tried approaching women I was not spared that phase of MISTAKE #3, and I admit I did experience feelings of resentment no matter how unwarranted. That was until I had an epiphany that was like a cold slap to the face: being nice is just basic human courtesy and does not ENTITLE me to someone's affections. I was ashamed of my petty unjustified resentment and things got a lot easier after that. I've read the manosphere advice on treating women poorly to stand out from the nice guys and win them over, but I never really internalized any of that thinking because the goal of those experts was to simply score sexual conquests like a pickup artist.

    I just knew before playing this audio that you'd say that the secret was impressing women. All the 'good' advice I've read about attracting women share the common thread of possessing a healthy drive or ambition, and I think you may have discussed this in at least one of your other audios too. I used to be into drawing, painting, and sculpture in my childhood and early teens, but somewhere along the line I felt I lost my creativity. I am reasonably proficient at cooking tasty meals admittedly without any artistic flair, and I do have a mandolin I can try learning how to play. Your French audios have motivated me to salvage what I can of my highschool French using the free DuoLingo. So yeah, like you said, I can be a work in progress too, but I want to improve myself for my own sake, not in the hopes of snagging a woman. If it happens, great! If not, it's not the end of the world and I can still be happy with my life looking back when I am 45 or even 55 (who knows, maybe I dodged a midlife crisis in the making by hearing your sage words now 😄).

    Thank you for crafting this excellent series for us regular guys. In this episode you say that women are bombarded with nice gestures from men trying to get their attention. Well, with the legion of fans you've won over with your intelligence, balanced perspective, humour, silliness, nerdiness, mad scripting/improv/sound engineering skills, willingness to experiment, and of course your alluring voice/accents I hope you never grow weary of the compliments and support we send your way! You already know this but you really do deserve it. 👏👏👏

    • A Eve on 2017-03-22 15:30:51 (UTC)

      You have such a great attitude, but it's also very encouraging to hear a bit of your story, how you got to this point. Hopefully some younger guys or guys who are still back where you were can see themselves in you and maybe start to change their attitude.

      There's a line in a song by Alanis Morrisette that always stood out to me - "the moment I let go of it, was the moment I got more than I could handle". That has been true for me in so many ways. The more I obsess about something, the farther away it gets. If I let go and accept things as they are, for the large part, I tend to find things work out in unexpected ways :)

      • CharlieRomeoLima on 2017-03-22 23:24:40 (UTC)

        Awww shucks...Eve, that's so sweet to hear you say. *blush*

        I totally forgot about that song, can't believe it's been almost 20 years ago. Used to watch MuchMusic nearly everyday back then. I sorely miss the '90s sometimes (I was a teen who felt invincible and the world was my oyster)! Your audios are getting through to me that it still is (well, not the invincible part though haha).

        • billymacorbuddy on 2017-03-23 04:20:51 (UTC)

          I found a 90s playlist on youtube once and it was awesome. New Age Girl anyone?

  • Murtaugh83 on 2017-03-21 01:54:41 (UTC)

    Hi Eve,
    I have been following this series as well as your others and found them to be such a help. The advice you offer is so insightful and presented in such way that it comes from a trusted friend. I am a proud work in progress and well worth the effort. Thanks for being a voice in the wilderness.

    • A Eve on 2017-03-22 15:27:24 (UTC)

      That is such a lovely compliment, "a trusted friend". Thank you so much 💋

  • Georgio36 on 2017-03-21 00:54:39 (UTC) (edited)

    Eve I'll admit you had me a bit scared for a mins when i started to listen to this lol 😄. You are right, this can be a very sensitive topic for many guys including myself. But i can tell you know, i feel soo much better about the future. Not just attracting women, but being happy internally. I think if we feel good & content with ourselves on the inside; it will show to to the world & others.

    There's things i want to move forward in my life but i know that it takes time. Im also a big believer in God & what he can do for others. I have realised recently i have been getting much more attention from women these past few months than i ever have in the past few years. I wasn't even trying either.

    You mentioned impressing women with talents or skills. For me, my skills are cooking, helping others, making art pictures (which i am very passionate about), astrology & fixing technology lol. I had women speak to me while i was doing those things. So i just wanna thank you so much for opening our eyes to something new💓. I saw those pictures of those guys & now i can see why they got those women.

    Us guys don't need the most prettiest woman or to be millionaires to get a lady. We just have to believe in ourselves, be strong minded & stand up for what's right. Sorry for the long comment but i feel better about everything 😊.

    • A Eve on 2017-03-22 15:26:51 (UTC)

      Excellent points, Georgio. Honestly, being able to cook is one of those 'right up there' talents as far as women are concerned. And it's not even about enjoying the food - that's more of a guy thing. What women like about it is that it shows you are a 'modern' man, not afraid to work in the kitchen, interested in the finer things. And the food is great, okay. :P

  • LucknowDragon on 2017-03-20 21:43:00 (UTC)

    Another home run Eve! Our Ethereal Angel.

    I am on the other side from these younger guys. I use to be the "nice guy" (I still am but I've learned a few things). In high School College and Professional School I was turned down about as often as one can be. AH but the worm turns.

    For the younger guys trying to figure this stuff out keep in mind a few things:

    1) Younger women are trying to figure themselves out too. They have their own issues they are dealing with and may be making poor decisions themselves.
    2) Confidence and the projection of confidence is very important. Many younger (and older woman) mistake the cockiness of the jerk as a sign of confidence. It never is. In fact it is the opposite of confidence.
    3) While you are being a nice guy don't develop the "stink of desperation" about you. Even if you are naturally anxious, or naturally have a darker mood about you, beware of that desperation vibe. Carry yourself AS IF you have confidence. Head High, good posture, and willing natural smile.
    4) Eve is ABSOLUTELY correct about finding things you enjoy doing. Find other joy in your life. Let the fun and confidence you find in those other activities invade the rest of your life. The self knowledge that you are capable is a magnet all by itself.
    5) Be open and willing to be helpful to her - BUT DO NOT BE A DOORMAT.

    Because you are a regular guy you have learned that life requires effort. As Rocky Balboa said: "Life meets no one half way." So keep good thoughts, maintain a positive energy. Even for those of us who are naturally dark at least let the sun shine through the cloud when you can. it's not easy but the more we practice the better we get. The mystery of your deeper self can be something that she unwraps over time.

    • A Eve on 2017-03-22 15:25:16 (UTC)

      aww, thank you so much. Great advice! 💋

  • KyleWambus on 2017-03-20 20:50:48 (UTC) (edited)

    It's funny that you bring up guitar playing because I've been playing the guitar for a decade and played (and sang) in front of people frequently for most of that time, but with no luck with relationships. Then again, I've also been an antisocial hermit for most of my life, and I only started really growing out of that over the last year, so I've reaped what I've sown as the guy below me put it.

    I used to be bitter at the world for my perpetual singleness, but now I'm learning that the best I can do is be "the best Me that Me can be" as I continue to grow as an independent man, and keep expanding my social circle to make friends and someday even a significant other because nothing I do can make me "deserve" a woman's affection.

    • A Eve on 2017-03-22 15:24:41 (UTC)

      I know it can be really difficult when you feel as though your talents went unappreciated...maybe I should have added to this episode that part of the problem is that you do have to be approachable, even just so that a woman feels comfortable saying "I really love your singing, etc". Sometimes men give off such a cold vibe that women are actually afraid to speak to them. I know I've been there lots of times. Guys make you feel as though they'll be angry if anyone less than a supermodel dares to bother them. I'm not saying you did this, but this is sometimes how women perceive it. Which is why it's important to do what you were saying- expand your circle, be social, be relaxed and open around people. Good for you! 💋

  • Jandrusel on 2017-03-20 20:09:27 (UTC) (edited)

    I think everyone, at somepoint or another, was a 'nice guy'. You hope that way woman will notice that you're worth the effort. Heck, for a long time I considered myself a 'nice asexual guy'. In high school and college, I heavily questioned that I was a straight guy. I was just a 'thing' that sometimes watched porn just to replace the sensations of human touch. As such, knowing that women would never find me a desirable partner, I always presented myself as their friend or their acquiantance. Because that's what I thought I'll always would be. I had nothing to lose, and not much to win. But at least I could be the 'nice one'.

    I never blamed anyone for my lack of success with girls. I never put myself out there. I never expanded my circle of friends. I never talked to a lot of girls and I tried to distance myself from anything related to sex as much as I could... I reaped what I sowed. But I'm trying to build a life for me. Taking jazz bass guitar lessons, going to the gym, dance lessons, and learning german when I have free time. It's stuff. My stuff. I'm not the greatest at them, but I'm trying.

    Sometimes, I hear my friends talking about their 'dry periods of sex' or their arguments. And sometimes, I give thanks for not knowing what that feels like. As much as I would love to experience love for the first time, I've made it this far without a significant other. So, let's give ourselves a pat in the back for that. Even though I feel good about myself, I doubt that there's someone out there for me. But in the words of Fox Mulder: I want to believe.

    So thank you once again Eve for this podcast. I knew that the topic of niceness would come up on this episode before hitting play. Niceness is good, but you need something else if you want to "get a chick". "Niceness" sometimes screams "desperation". And that road goes a long way down and it's not pretty. Let's own ourselves first, guys. It's easy to call women 'whores' and 'gold-diggers', but don't fall for that. Make yourself great and learn to enjoy your own company. Your mental health and future girlfriend(s) will thank you for it.


    • A Eve on 2017-03-22 15:21:51 (UTC)

      Such an awesome attitude, Jan, you continue to 'impress me' (see what I did there) with your wisdom and great attitude to life. And this is your second language too, isn't it? See, there's another point. You're on fire! 💋

    • CharlieRomeoLima on 2017-03-21 03:34:33 (UTC)

      I too agree with all you've said here Jandrusel. As a fellow perpetually single dude I can admire your emotional independence as an individual, and the maturity you demonstrate by owning yourself and your choices. *pat on the back*

      • Jandrusel on 2017-03-21 10:49:06 (UTC)

        Thank you Charlie. I'm really not that mature but I appreciate the compliment. I'm still a bit cynical when it comes to my self-esteem, my sexuality and my life choices. But I've made peace with my past. I hope that you too can find peace and happiness within yourself. I know how hard it is to feel like 'you're missing out' and that you're 'less than a man' for not being with someone. But don't become a prisoner of your thoughts: be proud of yourself for making it this far.

    • Georgio36 on 2017-03-20 23:47:38 (UTC)

      I agree with you man 😊. Also it has a lot to do with how you think. If you speak positive thoughts; then positive things will happen. Do you & what makes you happy. You don't need a woman or relationship to be happy. It can only add to your happiness not be your only source. As for getting a good woman, never say never 💫

      • A Eve on 2017-03-22 15:18:27 (UTC)

        Very inspirational and completely true Georgio, thanks for that 💋

      • Jandrusel on 2017-03-21 11:19:42 (UTC)

        I have to remind myself to be more positive sometimes. But yeah, I see so many people clinging to unhealthy relationships or desperate to get into another one just because they fear being alone and single. Relationships are not a plateau or a milestone, Nor it's a promise of happiness. It's a thing that happens between two people. He or she won't make you happier if you're not content with yourself.

        'Never say never', uh? You might be right. Thanks Georgio!

        • A Eve on 2017-03-22 15:17:59 (UTC)

          I often tell people - think of something that you did, or something that happened to you, that you never thought would ever happen. For some people it's something personal like losing a lot of weight, for others it's something involving luck like hitting it big in the casino or something. Most of us have something like that somewhere in our lives. And then ask yourself why the same thing couldn't happen with finding a lover?

  • joetinla1967 on 2017-03-20 18:26:54 (UTC) (edited)

    Good morning Miss Eve,
    First things first I'm going to be dating myself regarding John Holms, back in my high school days in the mid 80's I researched and wrote an article for my school paper about his involvement in a local crime (The Wonderland Murders) that took place out here in Los Angeles that of course didn't get printed for obvious reasons and subjected my mother to a meeting with my principal so yes I knew who this gentleman was, as for the the rest of this episode it really hit home several years ago I fell into that exact situation of being the nice guy friend to a woman I really was fond of I lost sight of who I was for a while there but it made me start focusing and rethinking what and how I do things and for the record all women are queens and princess in my eyes so it didn't discourage me at all, there's still a little more work to be done but with your advice I'll get there and as for impressing a woman I love art and music but I tend to be very privet and critical about my painting so I don't really like showing it and believe me I'm no Picasso but it does help me relax, sorry if it sounds like I'm just rambling I'm going in 48 hours at work with only 3 hours of sleep and I'm ready for bed in a big way.
    Thank you for this series, its great.

    • A Eve on 2017-03-22 15:16:15 (UTC)

      You're very welcome, Joe. I hope you know you don't have to be an artistic genius to impress women with it - even just the fact that you have something cool that you do on a regular basis just because you like it makes a big difference.

      And a school project on John Holmes....wow, mad props to you for balls, Joe!